


Missing Your Touch

by negiramen



Series: My Boredom Is Infinite [5]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, grab some tissues, if you are looking for a spoiler of the ending, sad woogyu, you wont find it here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1581386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/negiramen/pseuds/negiramen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu wakes up with Woohyun by his side every day. He sits with him at the breakfast table.<br/>They watch TV together and when Woohyun leaves for work, he patiently waits at home for his return.<br/>He’s there when Woohyun come back. He greets him and Sunggyu follows him to the bedroom,<br/>where Woohyun drops his body on the bed. He talks to the other, but Woohyun doesn’t answer,<br/>because he can’t hear him. Sunggyu wants to touch him, but he can’t.</p><p>Sunggyu is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Your Touch

**Author's Note:**

> angsty woogyu ;w;
> 
> my work once again, do not steal!

 

 

 

When Woohyun wakes up in the morning, Sunggyu is already wide awake. Of course he would never miss it, because he never sleeps. The younger male yawns and stretches himself. Sunggyu can catch a glimpse of his tanned, tone stomach, before Woohyun’s shirt slips down again. The other stands up and shuffles into the bathroom. Sunggyu doesn’t follow him. Instead, he goes to the kitchen. He sits down on one of the chairs and waits for Woohyun to be done. Sunggyu knows that he needs exactly 37 minutes and 18 seconds until he is done. He knows, because he has counted the seconds so many times already and Woohyun always takes the same amount of time, like a clockwork. Sunggyu hates time, because his time has stopped long ago, but yet it flows for everybody else. He can watch it flow when he looks at the changing colors of the sky, or when he glances at the clock on the wall or when he notices that Woohyun’s hair has grown longer again. He needs to cut it. Sunggyu wants to tell him that, but Woohyun doesn’t hear him.  
  
Woohyun doesn’t see him.  
  
Woohyun doesn’t know that he’s here.  
  
Every day.  
  
Watching and waiting for Woohyun to notice him.  
  
Waiting for anything, maybe even a postcard from heaven – or hell.  
  
Sunggyu can touch things, when he concentrates really hard. But he cannot touch Woohyun. That fact makes him mad, it makes him suffer and sometimes Sunggyu wishes he could kill himself, but he’s already dead. He cannot die again. He’s tried it.  
  
Sunggyu has tried a lot of things in the past 1849 days.  
  
That’s how long he has been dead. 1849 days, which equals  
  
44376 hours or  
  
2662560 minutes or  
  
159753600 seconds.  
  
159753601  
  
159753602  
  
It’s a fifth of his life that he has spent in this form already. Alone. Unseen. Unheard.  
  
Tortured and lost.  
  
Sunggyu has tried a lot of things during this time.  
  
He tried talking to Woohyun. _Fail_.  
  
He tried touching Woohyun. _Fail_.  
  
He tried leaving the house. _Fail_.  
  
He tried the windows. _Fail_.  
  
He tried cutting himself. _Fail_.  
  
He tried  drowning himself. _Fail_.  
  
He tried making a phone call. _Fail_.  
  
He tried giving Woohyun signs. _Fail_.  
  
He tried praying to God. _Fail_.  
  
He tried asking the Devil. _Fail_.  
  
He tried hating Woohyun. _Fail_.  
  
He tried hating himself. **Success**.  
  
Sunggyu looks up from the table, when the bathroom door opens. Woohyun comes into the kitchen next, of course. He will eat peanut butter today, because it is Wednesday and Wednesday is peanut butter day. Sunggyu doesn’t need to look to know that Woohyun will dip the knife into the glass three times, just to brush an extra amount of peanut butter on the bread. He knows that Woohyun will lick the knife after he’s done.  
  
Sunggyu used to scold him about it, because he could cut himself, but now he can only watch.  
  
A tiny part of him hopes that Woohyun will cut himself with the knife. The part that hopes Woohyun will bleed to death and follow him into the afterlife. Sunggyu wants to take the knife and slam it into his chest-  
  
He snaps from his thoughts as Woohyun stands up from the kitchen stool. Sunggyu doesn’t want to kill him, but sometimes the urges overcome him. He doesn’t want to turn into a vengeful ghost that murders people. He loves Woohyun. He loves watching him every day, although it hurts so much. It hurts Sunggyu to see the younger forget about him. He tells himself that he should be happy that Woohyun is no longer mourning - Woohyun is moving on. But it’s unfair in his eyes, because Sunggyu can’t move on. He is stuck in their apartment and he doesn’t know why. He can’t leave, only watch. It feels like sitting in a cinema and watching a very bad movie. It’s a very long movie, but you can’t leave, because your feet are chained to the ground and you cannot change the plot, because you’re no longer part of it. And there’s no popcorn or ice cream either.  
  
The clock on the wall makes some noise and Sunggyu knows it is time for Woohyun to leave.  The younger man stands up from his chair and walks towards the front door. He can’t float or fly, as cool as it looks in the movies. Woohyun puts on his shoes and looks in his direction. Sunggyu’s heart always flutters at this moment, because it feels like he’s looking directly at him, though his eyes are simply glued to a point behind him.  
  
“Goodbye, Woohyun. Have fun at work.” He smiles, though no one is able to see it.  
  
The door closes and Sunggyu knows that he has 5040 seconds until Woohyun returns. He does what he always does at this time. He sits down on the couch and waits for his return. Sunggyu closes his eyes and counts the seconds.  


 

* * *

  


Woohyun returns home after 7231 seconds. Sunggyu opens his eyes and stands up from the couch. He is worried because Woohyun never comes home late from work. Although he is a ghost, Sunggyu can easily smell the alcohol in the air. The heavy fragrance seems to surround the younger like a grey fog. It makes Sunggyu dizzy and he’s even more worried, because Woohyun hasn’t touched a bottle of alcohol for one year. Now he can barely walk and Sunggyu wants to catch him when he falls. He jumps forward and stretches out his arms, before his mind can even register that it’s useless. Woohyun falls right through his arms and slumps to the ground. Sunggyu gives the door a little push so that it closes, before he crouches down next to his former boyfriend.  
  
“Woohyun, you can’t sleep here.”  
  
It breaks his heart to see him like this. It’s certainly not the first time. He had seen worse five years ago when his life had suddenly ended. He had seen Woohyun break down. He had seen him trying to cut his wrists to end his life, barely surviving because his friend Hoya had found him in time. Sunggyu had seen him crying night after night while looking at photographs. He had heard him singing their favorite songs and talking to himself because he thought that no one was listening.  
  
Sunggyu is listening all the time. He sees everything – at least what Woohyun does in the apartment – and it kills him again and again. He thinks it’s impossible for a human to endure so much pain, but he is not human anymore.  
  
“Woohyun, you have to go to bed.” He whispers into his ear.  
  
Woohyun mumbles something and tries to stand up. He needs three tries and throws up in between, but eventually he’s on his way to the bedroom.  
  
“Woohyun, wash yourself before you go to bed.”  
  
It doesn’t work this time. The younger man enters their his bedroom and drops his body on the bed. He groans and tosses his body around several times. Sunggyu stays next to the bed and watches over him like a guardian angel. He doesn’t want to think of himself as a creepy stalker ghost.  
  
“Sunggyu…”  
  
He leans forward and watches Woohyun’s feverish face. “I’m here.”  
  
Sunggyu knows that the other is simply sleep talking, but it’s the moment he feels the closest to Woohyun – that moment when he calls his name. It is like a chain that binds him even harder to earth. Maybe it’s the reason why he can’t leave this place, because Woohyun still hasn’t forgotten him.  
  
A part of him is happy. He doesn’t want to be forgotten.  
  
“Don’t leave me, Gyu…”  
  
He moves his fingers over Woohyun’s cheek. “I won’t.”  
  
Sunggyu lies down next to him, when the younger is no longer moving around. Woohyun’s breathing is stable and calm now. Sunggyu watches his sleeping expression and he hopes that Woohyun has a sweet dream. Although the other can’t hear him, Sunggyu sings him a lullaby.

 

 

* * *

  


 

Morning comes again and Sunggyu can stare a little longer than usual, because Woohyun overhears his alarm clock. He can see dark rings under the other’s eyes in the sunlight. A thin film of sweat is on his forehead and Sunggyu counts the drops while he waits for Woohyun to wake up.  
  
The telephone in the living room starts to ring sometime later. He stands up and goes to the next room. The melody is loud, but not loud enough to wake Woohyun from his sleep. He can see an unknown number on the little screen. After a few rings the answering machine reacts.  
  
“Woohyun, why are you not at work yet? Are you mad because of yesterday? I’m sorry, Woohyun. I shouldn’t have kissed you all of a sudden. We were both drunk…let’s just forget about it, okay? Please, at least call me back because I’m worried about you.”  
  
The stranger hung up and Sunggyu stared at the telephone. He doesn’t know that voice. There’s a pang in his chest when he wonders why Woohyun went drinking with that guy and why did they kiss? Sunggyu bites his lower lip as tears drop from his eyes. He’s a ghost, yet he cries and his heart still hurts and burns and throbs.  Sunggyu is torn between the wish of Woohyun finding happiness again and the fear of being forgotten. It could be his chance to escape this misery, but a part of him doesn’t want to leave. Woohyun doesn’t want him to leave.  
  
Sunggyu deletes the message, because that’s one of the things he can actually do. He bites his thumb nervously. He doesn’t know if the whole mess is his or Woohyun’s fault. He wants to leave and he wants to stay. More than anything, he doesn’t want Woohyun to leave him.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Woohyun never goes to work that day. Sunggyu is still staring at the phone, when the younger finally walks through the living room. Woohyun looks broken and tired. Sunggyu is relieved to see that he’s going to the bathroom first. After a long shower the younger returns to the living room and sits down next to Sunggyu. The left spot on the couch has always been Woohyun’s spot. It’s an unwritten rule between them. Even after Sunggyu’s death Woohyun still sits on the left side. He never lets any guest sit there and sometimes he puts his arm around the backrest like he used to. At times like those Sunggyu feels like Woohyun is putting his arm around him and he feels safe again.  
  
They watch TV together. Sunggyu laughs at the same jokes as Woohyun. Their taste of humor is the same. Strangers and friends used to tell them that they are weird and odd, because they laughed at things that were only funny for the two of them - it’s a couple thing. Sunggyu still loves to laugh with Woohyun. He still loves him so much and he’s only lying to himself, when he thinks that he is ready to go to the next world.

 

 

* * *

  


 

The next day is normal again. Woohyun wakes up in the morning and takes his usual 37 minutes and 18 seconds in the bathroom. Sunggyu waits for him in the kitchen like always. Today is Friday, which means that Woohyun will drink a cup of coffee and eat an apple. Back then, they got the apples from Sunggyu’s mom. She used to send them here, but not anymore. Now Woohyun is probably buying them at a supermarket. He’s still cutting the apple into little bunnies, although it takes some time and wastes some of the fruit. Sunggyu had always asked him to cut them like this. Maybe Woohyun will continue this little gesture even when his ghost is gone.  
  
If he ever disappears.  
  
“Have a good day at work.” He tells Woohyun, when the younger puts on his shoes again and throws his usual look into the corridor before he leaves. “I love you.”  
  
It’s not a lie. It’s a truth that will never die.  
  
Kim Sunggyu loves Nam Woohyun, even in death.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Saturday is something he looks forward to but also despises. It’s a day when Woohyun stays at home most of the time. Sometimes he goes out with friends like Hoya or they visit him in the apartment. The latter is probably the hardest for Sunggyu. To see him laughing and talking with other people. It breaks his non-existent heart and he will usually hide in the bedroom at times like that. He should be happy for Woohyun. He’s trying to be happy for him.  
  
Woohyun is unusually happy today. He is whistling after waking up and he takes more time than usual in the bathroom. Sunggyu wonders, if something is happening today because his mood is so good. He wants to be happy with him. He wants to know what he is so excited about.  
  
The other man skips breakfast and instead he starts cooking various dishes. He sets up the table and even adds little decorations. He used to do the same for Sunggyu, whenever something good happened to one of them.  
  
“Are you happy, Woohyun?” Sunggyu asks, although no answer will ever come. There’s just emptiness and silence for him.  
  
He can already guess that Woohyun is getting a visitor. Sunggyu hopes that it’s Hoya, but Woohyun never does special things like that for his best friend. So he guesses that it is someone else. Maybe the guy that Woohyun went drinking with. Sunggyu puts his feet on the chair and hugs his legs. He watches the younger man dancing around in the kitchen, while he cooks a meal for someone else.  
  
It hurts, but Sunggyu tries to tell himself that this is good. Woohyun is smiling. He is moving on.

 

 

* * *

  


 

The guest comes about an hour later. His name is Myungsoo and Sunggyu watches the two from a safe distance. Myungsoo seems younger, but he is definitely better looking than Sunggyu. He looks like a model and his steps are full of grace and beauty. He can see that Myungsoo is in love with Woohyun. Sunggyu can see it in his eyes and he notices the little touches he’s giving Woohyun. They don’t kiss, but they dance around each other like two smitten teenagers in the middle of courtship. Sunggyu bites his thumb again to feel another pain than the feeling of suffocation in his chest.  
  
They sit down at the table. Woohyun talks a lot, while Myungsoo seems to be more the observing type of human. Sunggyu can only watch from a distance. He doesn’t dare to be close to Woohyun when someone else is there. He isn’t sure why he’s even watching them. It’s torture for him, but a part of him wants to see Woohyun like this. Smiling and totally in love – with someone else.  
  
“Do you like it?” Woohyun asks a little embarrassed.  
  
Myungsoo smiles. “I do. I was just surprised, because until yesterday you were giving me the cold shoulder.”  
  
Woohyun returns the smile. “Sorry, I was confused after the kiss and very drunk.”  
  
Sunggyu retreats into the bedroom and closes the door quietly. He sits down on the chair near the window. The chair is his special place. He used to sit there and read or simply watch the sky. Woohyun hasn’t moved the chair since his death, but it’s not dusty because the younger cleans it from time to time. Sunggyu wonders if he will stop cleaning the chair now. Will he throw it away? Will he stop cutting little apple bunnies on Friday?  
  
Sunggyu hugs his legs again and he admits that he is scared. He cries, although his tears leave no evident trace in reality. Will he disappear now?

 

 

* * *

  


 

It’s night already, when the door to the bedroom gets slammed open. Sunggyu jumps from his chair in surprise. His eyes find the pair even in the half-dark. They are touching each other and their lips move wildly against each other. Sunggyu has always known that this day might come, but it hurt more than he has ever expected. He can’t tear his eyes away from their bodies, which are melting together as they move onto the bed. They sigh and moan, kiss and stroke. Sunggyu doesn’t know, why he hasn’t disappeared yet. Why does he need to see this?  
  
“Woohyun, are you sure? If you need more time…”  
  
“No, Myungsoo, I’m sure. I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
Sunggyu wants to run away, but his body is glued to the chair. He has to watch and listen while his body breaks apart. He watches the love of his life slowly burn out.

 

 

 

* * *

  


 

He feels tired when morning finally comes. It’s funny because Sunggyu’s body doesn’t get tired and he doesn’t need any sleep. But he’s mentally exhausted and he’s still wondering why he hasn’t disappeared yet.  
  
Myungsoo wakes up first and Sunggyu watches him from his spot near the window. The younger sits up and rubs his eyes. It’s a cute gesture and it makes it harder for Sunggyu to hate the stranger. Myungsoo looks in his direction. Sunggyu doesn’t flinch because he knows that the chair is empty in Myungsoo’s eyes. Sunggyu doesn’t even cast a shadow, but the sun is burning on his neck – even nature is mocking his existence. It gets strange when Myungsoo’s eyes widen and Sunggyu can sense something alarming in his gaze.  
  
The younger lets out a surprised scream and presses the blanket to his naked chest. “W-Who the hell are you?!”  
  
Sunggyu blinks. He turns his head, but there’s nothing else behind him. Just the window. He looks back to the younger boy and notices that even Woohyun is awake now.  
  
“Myungsoo? What’s wrong?” Woohyun’s voice is hoarse and he needs to cough. Sunggyu knows that he needs a glass of water.  
  
“Y-You told me you live alone! Yah, how long have you been watching?” The stranger points his hand at Sunggyu, who tilts his head to the side and waves his hand. He’s surprised to see Myungsoo flinch. “Yah, are you making fun of me? Woohyun!”  
  
Woohyun is wide awake by now, but he’s obviously confused. Sunggyu has this silent hope that Woohyun can see him too when he looks over to the window. “What are you talking about, Myungsoo? Are you still dreaming?”  
  
He doesn’t understand how or why, but Myungsoo can see him. Sunggyu doesn’t know how to react. Should he be happy because someone acknowledges his existence or should he feel offended, because Woohyun doesn’t see him but a stranger does?  
  
Myungsoo seems angry now. “Are you messing with me? Is this funny to you?”  
  
The beautiful man grabs his clothes and puts them on quickly. Woohyun sits up and grabs Myungsoo’s wrist. “What’s wrong with you? You’re talking nonsense. I have no idea what you mean.”  
  
“I mean that guy, who’s watching us! Say something you creep.”  
  
_Creep?_ Sunggyu smiles slightly. _This is my home and that’s my boyfriend you’ve slept with._  
  
Woohyun looks in his direction again and Sunggyu’s heart makes another jump. He wants Woohyun to see him, but no matter how hard he concentrates, it doesn’t work. “There’s no one, Myungsoo.”  
  
It hurts to hear the words from his mouth, though Sunggyu knows that it has always been like this. He glances at Myungsoo. He hasn’t used his voice in a while, but he feels bad for Woohyun because Myungsoo keeps on shouting at him and blaming him for something that isn’t his fault.  
  
“He can’t see me.” His voice lingers in the air and for a moment he thinks that Myungsoo can only see him, but then the beautiful stranger blinks.  
  
“So you’re making fun of me together now?” Myungsoo asks and storms out of the bedroom.  
  
Sunggyu hates him for stealing the love of his life, but legally speaking Myungsoo is not stealing anyone’s and Myungsoo is the first person in five long years who can see him. So he follows him outside while Woohyun is still struggling with his shorts.  
  
“Wait. Wait, you! Don’t leave.” Sunggyu shouts or at least he tries to shout, but he it comes out as a whisper. “I’m Sunggyu!”  
  
It’s his last straw. He doesn’t know if Myungsoo can even recognize the name. Has Woohyun told him about his dead lover? Apparently yes, because Myungsoo  is stopping in his tracks and turning around.  
  
“You’re taking that joke a bit too far now. Why are you abusing the name of a dead person?”  
  
Something passes right through Sunggyu and he feels his body dematerialize for a moment. It’s a strange feeling. Like waving a cloud of dust away with your hand. He hates the feeling because it reminds him of the truth – he’s nothing more than a ghost. He’s not really there. His sight returns and he can see Woohyun, who tries to calm Myungsoo down.  
  
Myungsoo looks as if he has seen a ghost. _Beautiful pun._ He’s staring at Sunggyu with wide eyes and the ghost smiles. He’s slightly amused to see the other shocked like that.  
  
“You …what are you?” Myungsoo mumbles.  
  
Woohyun grabs his shoulders and shakes him lightly. “Yah, Myungsoo! You’re scaring me! What’s wrong with you?”  
  
“I’m dead, Myungsoo. This is a first for me too.” Sunggyu says and waves his hand in front of Woohyun’s face to prove his point. “I’m a ghost. He can’t see or hear me.”  
  
“I think I’ve gone insane, Woohyun. I don’t even know what he looks like. Why am I seeing him?”  
  
“Who are you seeing? Kim Myungsoo-“  
  
Myungsoo slaps himself and Sunggyu chuckles at his actions. Woohyun only frowns. “I’ll call an ambulance.”  
  
“What? No! I…I should just leave.” Myungsoo turns around and walks away again.  
  
Woohyun stops him this time. “Myungsoo, please tell me what’s wrong! You don’t have to act mad. If you regret last night-“  
  
Myungsoo yanks his hand away. “I didn’t regret it until I saw your frigging dead lover in your bedroom! He’s walking and talking, but you act like he’s not there. I’m probably only hallucinating! I’m sorry, Woohyun. Just let me go. Please. I need to leave this place.”  
  
But Woohyun grabs him again. “Dead lover? Sunggyu? Why are you talking about him now? You don’t even know what he looks like!”  
  
“How about short red hair with extremely small eyes? At least that’s what this frigging hallucination looks like!” With those words he pushes Woohyun away and runs out of the apartment.  
  
Woohyun’s face is pale and Sunggyu feels a bit bad for cornering Myungsoo like that. How could someone not be scared of a ghost? He would’ve run away too.  
  
The younger man turns his head and looks around the apartment. Sunggyu smiles at his gesture. He wants to tell him that it’s futile. “Sunggyu?”  
  
“Yes, love?” He answers anyway.  
  
“How did he know that his hair is red?” Woohyun mumbles.  
  
“Because it is.” Sunggyu answers. “Just like before. Ghost hair doesn’t lose any dye. Practical, huh?”  
  
Of course Woohyun can’t hear him. He can’t see him. Sunggyu is more disappointed than before, because Myungsoo could see him – why not Woohyun?  
  
It was unfair. Why didn’t he disappear last night?

 

 

* * *

  


 

For a while, things almost return to normal. Woohyun is a little paranoid for a few days. He keeps on checking his surroundings and Sunggyu laughs at his antics, though his heart breaks every time Woohyun looks at him but at the same time he doesn’t.  
  
Sunggyu notices that Woohyun looks more and more unhappy with each passing day. He guesses that it is his fault. He has probably scared Myungsoo away and now Woohyun is alone again. Sunggyu is happy and sad at the same time. Some nights he wishes that Myungsoo would return and other nights he’s just thankful that he can ‘sleep’ next to Woohyun again.  
  
He knows that these thoughts are selfish. He has no right to interfere with Woohyun’s life anymore.  
  
“I’m sorry, Woohyun.”  
  
That’s all he can say to him when they are lying in bed. It’s a cowardly excuse.

 

 

* * *

  


 

Myungsoo returns on a Tuesday. He brings the taste of rain with him and Sunggyu sees a smile on Woohyun’s lips for the first time in a while. Woohyun disappears into the bathroom sometime in the evening and leaves Myungsoo alone in the living room.  
  
“Why are you still there?” Myungsoo asks and turns around to face Sunggyu.  
  
The ghost doesn’t move from his – useless – hiding spot. He thinks it’s better not to interfere with their relationship anymore. Woohyun needs to move on and he needs to leave this world.  
  
Myungsoo sighed. “I don’t even know if you’re real, but if you are…I just wanted to tell you something. I’m going to ask Woohyun to move out of this apartment. You shouldn’t follow us. You should let go of him.”  
  
The news hits him like a hurricane. Sunggyu starts to tremble. He hugs his legs again and starts to cry. He knows it’s useless. He knows that this is good. It means the end of his suffering – and the end of his dream.  
  
“Do you have any last words for him? There must be a reason why you are still here, right?”  
  
Sunggyu doesn’t know the reason, but maybe it’s a simple one after all. “I love him. I love him so much.”  
  
“I love him too.” Myungsoo replies. “Can’t you let go of him? For his sake?”  
  
He thinks about his words. He wants to say ‘yes’, but deep inside Sunggyu knows that he will never be ready to give Woohyun up. He’s his sun and his life. His own body may be dead, but his love for Woohyun is stronger than death. It’s selfish, but he wants to be with him even in death. Even if it means cheating time.  
  
“No.” Sunggyu says, because it’s the truth. He can’t.  
  
A sudden rage fills his chest. He stands up and stares at Myungsoo. _You don’t have the right to take him away. I don’t want to let him go. Not with you or anyone else. He’s mine until the end of time, just like I ’m his._  
  
A gush of wind is suddenly filling the room. The windows are trembling and weirdly enough Myungsoo is laughing. “You don’t belong here, Kim Sunggyu!”  
  
“I do! This is my place! I won’t let you take it from me!” He screams against the storm. He’s never felt more alive than this. Full of strength and rather light-hearted. “I love him. I cannot leave!”  
  
Myungsoo just laughs again. “If you love him, you should leave. You don’t belong _here_ , Kim Sunggyu. Your place is somewhere else!”  
  
He doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay by Woohyun’s side. Sunggyu wants him to only smile at _him_. He wants Woohyun to cook only for _him_.  
  
He notices that the apartment starts falling apart, but Woohyun still hasn’t returned from the bathroom. He wonders why Woohyun hasn’t noticed the commotion yet. It is loud and his home is slowly falling apart.  
  
“Don’t you have another place to be?” Myungsoo asks him over all the noise.  
  
Sunggyu blinks. He looks at the bathroom again. The only place that seems untouched by the sudden storm. He walks towards the door and grabs the doorknob with shaking lips.  
  
There’s nothing inside. Just bright light.  
  
No bathroom. No Woohyun.  
  
Sunggyu wants to turn around again, but a voice stops him. “If you turn around now, you won’t be able to wake up. Leave now or you’ll be stuck here forever.”  
  
He doesn’t understand, but somehow Sunggyu knows that the voice is right. Nothing was normal to begin with. Maybe this is not the end that he had expected, but people had always talked about a bright light when you go over to the other side. Maybe this is _his_ light.  
  
The end of his existence.  
  
He wishes Woohyun could be here to help him with this step. He wants to see him for the last time. Sunggyu wants him to smile and tell him that everything is going to be fine.  
  
“Sunggyu, I’m right here.” He feels two warm arms around his waist. “No, don’t turn around.  I’ll be right there, Gyu. I’ve always been.”  
  
A single tear rolls down his cheek and Sunggyu takes a brave step forward into the light.

 

 

* * *

  


 

The other side of the door is noisy. Sunggyu can’t open his eyes, but everything seems bright nevertheless.  
  
“He has woken up!”  
  
“Don’t pull the plug!”  
  
“Sunggyu!” _That voice._ “Gyu! I’m here! Baby, open your eyes for me!”  
  
He finds the strength to open his eyes, bur everything is bight and blurry. He doesn’t know why he is lying down or why there are so many shadows hovering over him. He hears machines beep in the background his eyesight slowly returns. Sunggyu can see Woohyun’s face and he stares at it. _What kind of cruel dream is this? Why are you even following me to heaven, Nam Woohyun?_  
  
“It’s a miracle, sir. Congratulations.” A female voice says.  
  
Sunggyu is still confused, but suddenly he can feel Woohyun’s hand on his cheek. He can feel it and it feels so damn good. If this is hell, he never wants to leave the place. Sunggyu leans into the touch and closes his eyes again. He feels so tired and Woohyun’s touch is like a drug to his exhausted mind.  
  
“Sunggyu, stay with me!”  
  
“Calm down, Mr.  Nam. Everything is okay now. His body needs rest now.”  
  
He hears Woohyun chuckle, but it seems so far away just like the voices. “That’s my grandpa. Why are you always resting so much? Idiot!”  


 

 

* * *

 

 

  
The next time he wakes up, Sunggyu isn’t sure anymore where he is or which time it is. It barely matters, because Woohyun is right by his side again. Woohyun showers him with kisses and Sunggyu cries. He cries because it’s too beautiful to be true, but Woohyun tells him that everything is going to be okay now.  
  
“You’ve been in coma for over five years, hyung. We had already given up and decided to pull the plug, but you…” Woohyun tries his best not to cry. Sunggyu can see that.  
  
Woohyun hugs him like he’s scared that Sunggyu could disappear any second. It hurts a bit, but Sunggyu is happy to feel his arms around himself. He can touch Woohyun and Woohyun can touch him. Even if this is a dream – he never wants to wake up.  
  
A doctor explains to him that he had been involved in a terrible accident five years ago. Sunggyu can still remember that. He has lived as a ghost for five years with that knowledge. But everyone tells him that he didn’t die back then. His parents even bring him some apples to the hospital and Woohyun makes him little bunnies.  
  
Sunggyu accepts everything. He doesn’t care if it’s real or not. This dream is much better than his last.  
  
After three days he asks Woohyun to take him on a walk through the hospital. As they walk around the corridors, Sunggyu feels himself drawn towards one of the hospital rooms. His fingers touch the nametag next to the door.  
  
_Kim Myungsoo._  
  
He remembers that name. Sunggyu pushes the door open, although Woohyun wants to stop him. The room is empty to his disappointment.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Woohyun asks with a worried expression.  
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
They turn around and Sunggyu sees one of the nurses. “What has happened to the patient in this room?”  
  
Her expression darkens for a moment. “Did you know Myungsoo? It’s a sad story. He got into a bad accident a few weeks ago and his injuries were really bad. He was a real fighter though, when we thought that he wouldn’t make it through the first days, he suddenly recovered and got better. But three days ago everything went downhill again suddenly. Just when we thought that he would make it through, he suddenly died.”  
  
Sunggyu stares at the empty room again. Woohyun touches his arm. “Did you know him from somewhere else?”  
  
He closes the door quietly and smiles at Woohyun. “Maybe I did …in a dream somewhere. Woohyun, I want to go home, to our apartment.”

The younger man hugs his waist and kisses his forehead. “Actually, the lease for our apartment has expired a while ago. But I’ve already found another place for us and I took the liberty to move our things.”  
  
Sunggyu stares at him. “My chair?”  
  
“Next to the window like always. Do you want to see it?” Woohyun smiles warmly.  
  
“I’ll go anywhere as long as you’re there.”  
  
Woohyun chuckles. “When did you get so cheesy, Gyu? I’ll always be right by your side. I love you.”  
  
Sunggyu smiles. “I love you too.”

  
  
And finally, Woohyun hears him.


End file.
